I’m finally sitting down to write a new book! Like I’ve said, I’m returning to nonfiction and to the topic of mental health. This is partially due to the fact that I recently found myself in the hospital with suicidal thoughts but also because I feel the need to finally deal with some things from my times at rock bottom four years ago and my life since.
I dealt with a lot of them in my previous Bipolar Express book but it has taken this long to really understand myself in a better way than I did back then. Everything was so fresh then and I didn’t understand it like I do now.
I’m really at a good point right now. I love my job and the people that I work with. My previous job was stressful beyond belief but I was able to handle it because of the coworkers I had. I imagine it was like working for the Empire on the second Death Star. Sure I had great friends at work but one day you know its all gonna blow up. My Emperor Palpatine was more bipolar than me. I definitely found myself rooting for the Rebels.
This book will deal mostly with my time in the treatment facility in Dallas. I spent a week there and it stands as both the best and worst week of my life. I still have nightmares that I am being forced to stay somewhere for a week. I hope against all hope that I never have to go back but that place saved my life. I met some of the best people inside those padded walls.
The staff was amazing and everyone in there was fighting for their life. It was definitely a watershed moment in my life. I wouldn’t be here typing today without it. I’m still understanding stuff that happened then though. I can definitely tell that people on the outside were praying for me because I got the best psychiatrist I could ask for.
The friends I met in there I will be referring to by nicknames because I don’t want to unwittingly tell their stories and I think that will help me keep it more impersonal when it comes to them. My best friend I met in there, Kerouac, is gonna read over everything when I get done so that I know it doesn’t out anyone but myself. I care about the people I met in there so much.
My biggest regret from the first Bipolar Express book was my treatment of the guy I named Billy Madison. I was still exhausted by him at that point and I look forward to being more fair towards him this go around. He was in the same boat that I was and I never should’ve considered him worse off than myself.
Anyway, its time to get ready for work but thanks to everybody in my life. Everything in my life has worked out so that I could survive being bipolar and each of you are a part of that. Like I told a friend at work the other night, I wouldn’t be able to survive being imperfect/bipolar if I hadn’t worked at the state school when I did. Everyone there is so open about their lives and faults that it taught me it was okay to not be okay. Much love to everyone!