Back on the Ice

If I could describe being bipolar with one movie scene it would have to be from Mighty Ducks, 1 or 2, when the Minnesota Miracle Man, Gordon Bombay, sees the error in his ways and goes back to the ice to set things right in his head.

I do a lot of that now.  Self reflection I mean.  I don’t think I could even stay up right on ice skates or rollerblades at this point in life.  There is a lot of self reflection in dealing with being bipolar.

I’ll be going along great and then something feels off, like a pebble in my shoe type of feeling, and it just builds til I have to go back to the ice and figure it out.  Or worse, you’re hit with seriously depressing thoughts out of nowhere and it wrecks you for about four days.  That’s what happened to me recently.

When I first found out that I was bipolar I made a daily checklist of things just to keep tabs on my behavior and I think I’m going to have to go back to that.  More than anything, to remind myself that  I do have more good days than bad days.  Its just the weight of those bad days can be so severe.  And what’s annoying is that my down swing came, at least partially, from having a great day the day before.

Things have definitely gotten better and I’m back to what I call normal thankfully.  The therapist has been pushing me to make a schedule for myself to help me see when I’m becoming manic and not wanting to follow it.  Unfortunately, I’ve never been much of a schedule type of person.  To quote an old friend “I do what I want” and no schedule is gonna change that.  He’s definitely right though and I’m gonna sit down again and give it another try for tomorrow.

Basically just wanted to let everyone that I reached out to through my rough patch I’m doing better again.  I just need to get better at realizing when I put blinders on and just concentrate on the hard things in life.  I turn that switch on and it pulls me down before I even realize it.  Prayers I can get better at that.  I’m also gonna start trying to spend some time in the ol’ Bible to try and help my mindset.  I was “saved” when I was five and I’m not sure I’ve ever made the transition into being an adult Christian.  I’m still that five year old in many ways.  Here’s to self improvement!


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